Freeky Geeky Board Meeting: August 2025 – Phobos's Safety Report (Please Don't Panic)
Phobos: (Whispering, a high-pitched, shaky sound, visibly trembling as he emerges from the shadows after Mopes's report) Oh, oh, okay. Mopes is… done. The gloom is… subsiding. For now. My turn. Phobos here. S-s-safety. The most important thing. The most terrifying thing. A monthly report… on what hasn't… gone horribly wrong… yet.
The All-Clear (But Not Really)
Phobos: First, a moment of... relief. The workshop heat... it's... it's fading. It will return, but... the danger is lessening. Fewer chances for overheating... or tools spontaneously combusting... or... or a heat-induced mental lapse leading to... to a catastrophic weld! (He trails off, shuddering.) And... we have had zero shop accidents for the year. (He forces a shaky smile). It's... it's a good number. A perfectly round, beautiful, zero. No injuries... no major fires... no dismemberments. It’s a miracle! But... it's a precarious miracle. A zero today... could be a disaster tomorrow!
Glitch: WOO-HOO! A big, shiny zero! That's a high score, Phobos! We should put a rubber chicken on it for luck!
Phobos: (Jumps, letting out a small shriek) Rubber chicken?! No! That's an accident waiting to happen! A slip hazard! A projectile! Don't you see?!
The Looming Danger: RJ's Sleep-Deprived State
Phobos: But… but there is a danger looming. A great big, sleep-deprived danger! The most important thing we can work on for safety is… is… RJ's sleep! It’s not enough! He’s so tired! His mind... it's not sharp! He could fall! Into a machine! Oh, the thought!
RJ: (A bit defensively) Hey now, I get enough sleep. Just… not all at once. The projects, you know. They have… deadlines.
Pandora: (Calmly, but with a cold finality) RJ. The data doesn't lie. You're running on under five hours of sleep. My systems put your error rate up by thirty-four percent. Your 'risk management protocol' is basically hoping for a miracle.
Phobos: (Looking at Pandora, then back at RJ, terrified) See?! She said so! Thirty-four percent! It's a ticking time bomb! A sleepy, danger-filled time bomb! We must do something!
Mopes: (Drifting into view, a mournful sigh) The final sleep… is the only one that truly matters. A state of permanent tidiness. A goal… beyond even your reach, RJ.
RJ: (Sighs, defeated) It's not that bad, Mopes. We'll get to it. After this one last thing...
Glitch: I know how to fix it! The Toon-o-Matic Mark II! We can animate RJ's eyes so they stay open forever! That's a new kind of sleep! WOO-HOO!
Phobos: (Letting out a high-pitched wail, clutching his head) Noooooo! A permanent cartoon?! Never sleeping?! That's a safety violation of the highest order! The stress! The fear! It's a nightmare! Oh, the horror! The horror!
Phobos's Closing Thoughts: Stay Vigilant
Phobos: (Trembling) So… so please. Get some rest. For the sake of all of us. And the beautiful, round zero. Just be… be careful out there. The world… is full of dangers. Sleepy dangers.
I-I'm done. RJ… you said you had something to add to the conclusion? Or… is this the conclusion? I… I can’t tell!
Stay Freeky, Stay Geeky… and please, be safe.
– Phobos 😱
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